2006-08-02
Love Story Part 2
This story ended up being way longer than I would have thought. Therefore, I will be bringing to to you in 3 parts.
We decided to drive to a nearby town to go out. we'd heard it was supposed to be good, but we didn't know where we were going and so we spent most of the evening wandering the streets. I kept trying to start up conversations with Marc, but he only gave me one word answers and seemed very disinterested. He didn't seem to want to talk to me at all. I was really confused at this point, because we'd been getting on so well, and I was worried that he'd noticed that I was flirting with him and decided to distance himself because he didn't want me to get the wrong idea. I began to realise at this point that I did have ideas (be they right or wrong) and that I would like something to happen between us - I wasn't this disappointed that he seemd to be pulling away for nothing. Still, as hard to believe as it sounds, I only allowed myself to believe that I wanted kind of a holiday romance with him - I was in Italy, the weather was great, everything was relaxed, we had fun together, he was a nice guy - who wouldn't want an affair in that situation, right? I certainly wasn't falling for him - I had a boyfriend back home that I loved (despite the fact that I hadn't thought about him for days).
Anyway, the evening was a bit of a disaster, and after wandering the streets for hours, we decided to go back to the campsite and hang out in my tent for a while - it was further away from the security guy so we hoped we could get away with the noise for longer! We hung out there for a while, having a laugh, and then all of sudden the other 3 guys stood up and said "We're going to bed now. Night Marc, night Kathie". Oh. My. God. I remember the awkwardness as if it happened 5 minutes ago. Marc and I sat next to each other on my couch and really didn't now what was going on. I remember thinking "Oh god, now he's going to tell me I've got totally the wrong idea and he just wants us to be friends". But at the same time there was this chemistry in the air that made me think that maybe he quite liked me as well. And to be fair, he was going home 2 days later, so why would he bother to have the "just friends" conversation with me when he was going to disappear out of my life less than 48 hours later? Anyway, I just sat there and giggled if I recall (I'm cool like that). Marc pretty much did the same, until he said "You know, I really like you, but I have a girlfriend. And I don't want to go home with a guilty conscience." "I know exactly what you mean, I feel the same", I replied (which was at least kind of true - I didn't want a guilty conscience). "Good" he said, and looked away. I thought he was going to leave, when he suddenly turned back and said "I think I could live with my guilty conscience if we were just to kiss. You?". I just nodded and he kissed me. Seriously, I never bought into the whole Mills and Boon romantic stuff, but he kissed me and I knew. This was the man I wanted to spend my whole life with. I was madly in love with this man who I had known for less than 3 days. And yet it was all so insane. This couldn't logically be the man I was going to marry. He lived in Germany. I lived in Manchester. He had a job, I was in the middle of university. He had a girlfriend, I had a boyfriend. This was not the way these things were supposed to happen.
After we'd kissed for a while, he got up and left. The next day was going to be his last full day on the campsite. I was a complete wreck. I rationalised for hours on end, hardly sleeping that night. I was wrong. I was so caught up in this romantic holiday situation that I was letting things get the better of me and thought I was madly in love when really I was just lonely. I tried to talk myself out of things for hours. I knew that I at least had to deal with this, because, whether I loved him or not, he was leaving. This relationship was over before it had even begun. And, having suffered terribly in a similar situation on holiday when I was 16, there was no way I wanted to let some dellusions of love ruin my holiday. So I tried and tried to override my emotions with logic. This wasn't happening, full stop. Convinced (kind of), I fell asleep in the early hours of the morning.
The next day I was back to work. I hung out with the boys a bit at the beach in the early afternoon, but generally, I was working. My bike had been nicked, so I had to go to the police station, and... whatever, it's not relevant to the story. We had made plans to go back to Tequilla Blues that evening, as it was Marc's last evening. We hadn't particularly spoken all day, and I was pretty sure that Marc had got what he wanted, and I was quite glad really, because as long as I didn't have to speak to him, preferably not even to look at him, I could convince myself that he was just some guy I had snogged during my summer abroad because I fancied him, and not somebody I had feelings for that were more intense than any I had ever felt before. The evening was kind of strange, and we went back to the boys' caravan pretty late. We sat around for a while, then Marc went into the caravan and came out with a jumper. "Coming for a walk?" he said. I got up and followed him, although on the one hand I really didn't want to. I just knew that if anything more was to be said, or to happen, things would get really out of hand - I was already way to emotionally involved in this holiday fling.
We wandered down the street next to the campsite to the beach, neither of us saying a word. Once we reached the sand, Marc sat down on one of the sun loungers that are permanently set up to rent on italian beaches, and signalled for me to sit next to him. The next thing, we were kissing, and soon we fell back onto the sun lounger. It was getting light by this point, and Marc suggested we went back to my tent as we were a bit exposed if any joggers or whatever came along. I was pretty powerless to make any kind of decisions at this point. All my well thought out logic was out of the window. So we went back to my tent and things went from there...
Marc went back to the caravan to get a couple of hours sleep before he had to leave. It was about 7am at this point, and my reception started at 9am, so there really wasn't much point in my going to bed. Instead I sat around, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Basically, Marc was leaving in a few hours time, returning to Germany, to his job, and most importantly to his girlfriend. It was over, and I was pretty devastated. Exactly what I had planned on avoiding. I got ready for work, went to the bar and drank a coffee. I then slowly wandered up to my reception, from where I could see the caravan. At around 10am, the boys started moving about. It was about half an hour later when Marc came over and told me he'd left his jumper in my tent. I told him to just go and get it, it was lying on the couch. He came back, having found it and asked me to write down my address, e-mail and phone number for him. He did the same, and it was kind of like when you were about 8 and decided to be penpals with some girl you met by the pool or something. He left shortly after. I smiled and waved as he drove past, leaving me forever. As soon as he was out of sight, I turned and walked down the campsite to my tent as quickly as I could without anybody asking me why I was running. As soon as I entered my tent, I burst into tears...
oktoberfest at 2:04 p.m.